Anthrax/Lamo
The Bow Bells, London - 3 September 2016
"It was going to be a f*cking
disaster and there was nothing I could do about it"
![[Anthrax gig poster]](anthraxbowbells2016.jpg)
This was meant to be my birthday present to myself - my three favourite
bands (Shocks of Mighty! were also meant to be playing), all on the
same stage on the same night, for the measly sum of £5.00. It was all supposed to be so easy - I already had a venue in the shape of the regular Punk Rock Youth Club night at Silver Bullet, which had a back-line, drums (but no drum stool - don't ask me why), PA and engineer as part of the deal. All I had to do was set a date that all the bands were free to play. Then Silver Bullet was sold, and I had to find another venue. After a lot of scrabbling around I managed to secure The Bow Bells, and everything seemed to be back on track.
There were amps and a drum kit, and a PA could be hired in from up the road, so everyone just had to bring breakables* and Anthrax had to bring one guitar amp.
Until... suddenly it turned out there were no amps, and no drum kit. Then there was a drum kit; then there was a drum kit, but only half a drum kit with one of the bass drum legs replaced by (I sh*t you not) a brush from a plastic brush & dustpan set.
So I had to arrange a guitar amp and a bass amp (Anthrax were already bringing a second guitar amp, remember), which was easily done. The drum kit was more complex. Even getting a clear idea of what was needed to make up a full kit was problematic as I'm not a drummer. A drum kit's a drum kit as far as I’m concerned, but as with all things, it's clearly not as simple as that.
So the drummers with drum kits didn't have transport, and the drummers with transport didn't have drum kits. After much four-way messaging on Facebook (and a trip to Deptford to pick up a bag full of cymbal stands), we managed to cobble together a workable collection of mismatched items which would do in a pinch.
"Never mind, soldier on." I thought, confident that nothing else could go wrong.
Until... suddenly it turned out that Shocks of Mighty! were forced to pull out at the last minute**. Too late to find a different band (and in any event, I didn't want a different band), this also meant lowering the door price to £4.00, making my painstakingly accumulated float of five pound notes completely f*cking useless.
"Never mind, soldier on." I thought, confident that nothing else could go wrong.
Until... suddenly it turned out that there were several other gigs on the same day, the most notable being the Party in the Park, and the Loud Women festival, both of which were going to eat into the 'paying punter through the door' demographic.
"Never mind, soldier on." I thought, confident that nothing else could go wrong.
Until... suddenly it turned out that all the tube lines that went to Bow were closed due to planned engineering, leaving only the DLR as a means to get to the venue.
"Never mind, soldier on." I thought, confident that nothing else could go wrong.
Until... suddenly it turned out that it was going to piss with rain all evening.
"Never mind, soldier on." I thought, confident that nothing else could go wrong.
Until... suddenly it turned out that we had to lump the gear in up the fire escape to the 1st floor. The rain-slick, metal, open stepped, fire escape; half blocked with rubbish bags from the pub, and littered with sodden burger rolls. THAT fire escape. Which was great news for a man with a bad back, f*cked up ankle and severe vertigo.
"Never mind, soldier on." I thought, confident that nothing else could go wrong.
Until... suddenly it turned out that firstly, we were shy a guitar amp, and secondly, the bass drum (complete with Brush & Dustpan 'leg') slid all over the floor when played.
Getting another guitar amp wasn'tmuch of a problem, but we needed a heavy weight to put in front of the bass drum. It was at this point as I was (along with Lamo's drummer) scouring the streets of East London in the pissing rain looking for a bit of junk heavy enough to keep the bass drum in place, when I got to the 'f*ck it' moment.
You may be lucky enough to never experience this moment, but it's the point at which you say to yourself; "f*ck it" and just... give up. It can go either way - you can either give up and go home, or you can give up and stop worrying about it.
I was very close to the going home option, but for some reason I went with the not worrying option. It was going to be a f*cking disaster and there was nothing I could do about it. There was no way I was going to cover the cost of the PA, never mind pay the bands, so I just decided to buy a big rider and swallow the loss (along with a substantial proportion of the rider).
Having decided to just enjoy myself, I did exactly that; not bothering to eat and drinking heavily, so the bands were a bit of a blur. From what I can piece together, Lamo went down really well, and both bands were brilliant. The lack of a crowd made getting to the 'front' a piece of p*ss, and I had a fucking great time.
The bass drum still moved about like it was on a ship at sea despite the soaking wet sandbag we'd found to weight it down, which necessitated some nifty juggling of the rest of the kit to keep it in the right place in relation to the errant bass drum. Lamo's drummer managed this with aplomb, shifting drums around with one hand while keeping the beat with the other. I couldn't tell you how Anthrax managed; I was too drunk by then.
In the end we had a grand total of 10 paying customers, which equated to £10.00 less than the PA cost, but everyone was fine about not getting paid, and even refused to take any money to cover their expenses.
There was a whole other drama with a surplus snare stand and an abandoned bag of records at the end of the night, but I'll spare you the details.
After all is said and done, it would've been easier and cheaper to have had the bands play in my front room, and maybe next year, that's exactly what I’ll do.
As a footnote; it looks like Lamo impressed Anthrax so much they'll be putting out a single on their Grow Your Own label, so all in all it was a triumph. 10/10
*A vague term which means "all the cymbals, pedals and the snare drum", but is elastic enough to include cymbal stands in certain situations. Drummers understand it, but no-one else really does - a bit like the off-side rule.
**Disappointing though this was, it at least allowed for some Conflict-based levity on the night.
Review & Photo: Nick Hydra
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